Celebration of Life & Death

A few days ago, I posted about my Oma. Her diabetes and inactive lifestyle had weakened her heart, and a few hours after her 91st birthday party, she was admitted to the hospital. There, she had a panic attack, which made matters worse, and they had to put her into a medically induced coma so that her heart could recover. During her sleep, she had a mild heart attack.

But she woke up. And after a day she began to recognize everyone and speak again, yet her body was weak. She was eating, joking, reminiscing with my mom and my uncle, and my mom said if she were not in that hospital bed, she could fool you into thinking she was healthy. Her cheeks were rosy and her beautiful hazel eyes sparkled. When they left, I spoke to my mom (as there were no phones allowed in the hospital), and was happy that she was recovering. I was preparing to fly to Germany with the kids to see her.

I woke up the next morning after having three crazy dreams, each one startling me awake and making me grateful to be waking up in my bed. The third one made me get up, I was so disturbed.

My Oma crossed over, peacefully, in her sleep during night.

When I found out, I was angry and sad at the same time. I took down the post about Oma, because it still had “hope” in it. I was angry at myself because I had let my passport expire, wasting precious days to get to Germany. I was angry that there were no phones allowed in the hospital room because they could manipulate the sensitive equipment. I was sad.......

A few days have passed, and I am still sad. But the dreams made sense to me the moment I found out she gone, and then they vanished from my memory. Now, I am glad that I spoke to her on the phone after her birthday party, which was the last time I heard her voice. I am happy that her kids spent that last day with her, laughing; with Oma doing her leg exercises because she FINALLY listened to the doctor :). I know now that she fell asleep with no pain, and probably thinking about how much her children loved her. What else could we ask for?

A few days later we celebrated my “baby’s” 7th birthday :). A birthday is very magical when you are 7! I made him a Scooby Doo cake that broke every food rule we have in our house :). I found out my friend just had her little, fabulous, baby girl. I can’t wait to go see them and get a whiff of that “new baby smell”!

Life goes on, and wonderful things cut into the grief and make it more bearable, and I am able to be even more grateful for the people in my life.

What I am grateful for: The ones I love, and the ones who love me, no matter what state I am in....

What I am manifesting: Gracefullness

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