Did you see the "Working Moms vs. Stat at Home Moms" show tonight?
I hardly watch Dr. Phil, or any T.V. anymore, but my husband was watching this when I came back from walking the dog.
"You have to watch this."
So I did.
LOL....this is an age old "Mommy War". Even on Dr. Phil, the cats' claws were coming out. I was a bit surprised at some of the things that were said, on both sides, and by Dr. Phil.
I have been on both sides, and still am. I had to give my precious baby to a complete stranger when she was 3 months old to go back to work. I also thought it would be no problem, that was, before she was born :). Once she was here, I did not want to give her to anyone. I remember sitting in the bathroom pumping milk with a slurping breast pump so I could breast feed her. I remember crying in that same bathroom, because I was miserable. I remember calling my sitter from work, to find she was not home, and leaving work in a panic to see where in the hell she was with my baby. I just about killed her. I remember my baby "smelling" like someone else when I picked her up (I am just a sniffy kind a girl). I also remember a sweet woman who loved my baby, and was sure to keep me up to date on everything.
I wrote for an online magazine, about Attachment Parenting. I was flamed by stay at home moms, saying I could in NO WAY be attachment parenting since I am working. I was thrown into the Mommy Wars without my fighting gear. I quickly flamed back, and realized how judgemental women really were. I petitioned that we should all work together to make the world better for our little angels. Yeah, right, that went well.
I did not have a boss like Dr. Phil who said I should always put family first. Whenever something important was happening, I could not simply take off, I had to feign death.
When my baby was 2.5 years old, I was working as a Sales Director for N. California for a luxury resort. I had to travel. It killed me. I would buy us "bonding" necklaces, call home constantly, etc. I came home from one of my trips and was sitting in the dining room with my baby. She goes to phone and picks it up. I ask "What are you doing?" She says: " I am calling my Mommy". "But I am right here." "No, you are my Mama, this is my Mommy." I had morphed into the split personality mama. I then picked up that same phone and gave my 2 week notice.
This was all very erratic, and I would not advise anyone else to this. It has been a rollercoaster of financial disaster, bliss, isolation, bliss, frustration, bliss, marriage struggles ("You need to go back to work!"), bliss, and serious self guilt, and serious bliss. I have gone to work several times since then, had another child, and survived. I am still married too :).
Now I am a Stay at Home mom, and there are days I would LOVE to put on my suit and go away for 8 hours.
But I would not give up my life for anything. I get to hang with my kids, we home school, I see them grow and flourish. They will only grow up once, and I plan on being part of that. I can work again when they are old.
Don't get me wrong. I am also the product of a working mom, and I turned out pretty damn good. Still, this is the choice "I" make. Staying home does not mean that we are rich, that I am under-educated, or that I cannot find a job....or that I hate mamas that work.
Don't underestimate me, you hear?
Labels: judgement, stay at home moms, working moms