Today a post on New Moon Girls fan page really started my gut churning again.
It was the simple question of a mom, if she should give in to her 11 year old daughter asking for a pair of $130 UGGs, even if the mom thought they were over priced. My first response was: Just say NO. Actually: "OH HELL NO!"
I pondered this for a moment, and tried to put myself in this mama's shoes. She must be a much nicer mama than me, since she was asking, yes? Or no?
It put me back about 12 years, right around the time my little Goddess was born. As soon as she slipped out, the world became a scary place. I was seeing girl exploitation everywhere!
This is precisely why I started "The Goddess in the Groove". It was my place to speak out against all this insanity against women and girls.
As my little Goddess began to grow and thrive, I threw on my mama armor, ready to kick butt. I began to question why girls had to be cute & giggly, submissive & sweet, and why they were being sexualized through clothes, pageants, the media, etc. Why did little girl clothes look like something a hooker could wear if it was a few sizes bigger? And do you really want some perve staring at your little girl's butt, trying to focus in on the word "Cutie" written across it?
I am digressing.
Back to now, 2010, where tween girls seem to think shopping in malls, $40 T's, $100+ jeans & shoes, $100+ cell phones, etc. are there just for the asking.
Mine does not.
I take my kids on adventure trips to the thrift shop. We all dress well. I have taught them that is alot smarter to spend $20 and get a bunch of clothes, than to spend $40 and have one shirt, where you are wearing that company's brand across your chest, or your ass, for FREE. I have taught them that jeans need to speak French, do my laundry and put it away, pooper scoop, and do my bills before I would pay $90+ for them. I have taught them that we do not only shop at thrift stores because we are smart and our dollar is worth something, but because we recycle everything else, why would be buy new clothes that contribute to bad labor and non eco friendly practices? Not to mention: Why would I want to look like everyone else??
LOL. Maybe I was just a smart mama when I started this, because I knew one day my daughter would be a tween. Peer pressure is strong, and thankfully she is unaffected. And that child will wring a tear out of a dollar, she is stingy. I have found the best remedy for the "Ineeditis" disease is the "Youhaveenoughmoneytopayforityourself". Instant cure.
:)
I realize that my kids don't go to public, or even private school, and even if they ran around like raggamuffins it would be ok in our world. But every world has some kind of peer pressure, and we as parents have to guide our kids. Especially girls.
My goodness, if you let them think the right pants, the right boot, the right size, is what makes them good, well, that stinks. How will they ever find their true strength? How will they make the right decisions, based on their instinct, what they know is right and wrong, if someone else is dictating who they should be? What they should wear? How they should look?
If you can't say no, tell them to earn the money for the outrageous item themselves. At least they will learn the value of it. Even if you are rich and don't care about the money, think about the VALUE of a good lesson :).
7 comments:
Love this! This is so true and exactly what I strive to teach both my kids (one is a boy). My kids, at nearly 4 and 5 1/2, know the value of our money...that we dont waste and we recycle everything we can. Twice a year we sell their outgrown clothes (freecycle or give away what doesnt sell) and use the money to buy "new" ones at thrift stores and tag sales. We also sew. I would never allow my daughter (or son) to wear some of the things I see kids wearing and she honestly doesnt even want to. Thanks for posting this. I hope another mom reads it and it makes her rethink what is impotant and right.
Hurrah! Well said. When our kids were teens (lo those many years ago) we gave them the money we had allotted for school clothes and let them shop (after some lessons leading up to the event - several years of lessons like you are giving your girls) and we were astounded and pleased at their frugality and practicallity - and they continue on that path today - all are good reccyclers, thrift store shoppers and guardians of their world. Thank you for speaking up.
Hi Heike!
Good for you! Start them young and it is a lesson that they will keep for life.
My youngest is now about to be a mom herself at the ripe old age of 33. When she and her brother(3 yrs older)were really young, between the age of newborn to 12 or so, gently used clothing was mostly worn by them. When they became teens, I must admit that my hubby and myself, as well as the kids, gave in to buying more new than used, although not always name brand. By ) 2 income household and we had a lot more money. Still, Name brand was for Christmas & B-day gifts only. They both knew only so much money was spent on gifts and had to decide if they wanted one or two name brands or three or four non name brands. More often than not they went for no name brands. Now as adults, I am happy to say they are both chips off the old block-head and are very thrifty when it comes to spending their money. My daughter espically loves to go to thrift stores and walk away with a really great deal. YEH!!! It's nice to know that somethings I did turned out not too bad! LOL!
Lois
Heike - The discussion on our FB fan page was really great - people can click on the discussion tab at www.facebook.com/newmoongirls to see the 40 comments - some great ideas there that are in tune with yours.
Hey Women I haven't been around here in awhile, so glad I stopped in. I totally agree with you on the kids clothes, you never could have told me a 4 year could dress like a hooker! And that's exactly what I see, including one of my own family! Call me a Granny but I dressed a little racy when I was 16 but 4!? Please let them be children! Good to see you again! Pearl
Love it! It is so refreshing to see that other mama's out there think like me. We are our kids' teachers :). Thank you for all the wonderful comments.
Pearl, happy to see you again <3!
I have been a little MIA lately, this week I will have to make my rounds and see what is happening with all "my" women!
agree.
i don't have children. if i did i'd do exactly what you are doing.
i wouldn't spend oodles of dollars on new stuff.
i would spend a little.
i like shopping days with a girlfriend, can only imagine what it would be like with a little goddess.
you are doing a great job. the world needs more goddesses.
thank you.
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