Mr. Sandman, send me a dream.......

I have not slept for more than 3 hours at a time for the last 3-4 years. I can't remember EXACTLY when my sleep eluded me, but I do I slept right after my son was born...he is 10.

Over the years, the "sleepless" nights that I dealt with so well as a young women (I could party all night and be at work the next morning looking like I slept at the spa) have eaten away at my health, and my Spirit. I would like think that part of my famous bitchiness comes from a lack of sleep, it is not all in the genes. Being a night owl did not bother me much in the last years, since I love the peace of the night, the coolness, and that my European friends are around to chat with :). I never even considered the health risks of my night prowl.....

Only about three years ago, when what I call the "DNA", or "Dead Nerve Attack", did I begin to realize how my body hat crumbled right under me. No muscle tone, lots of pain, dead nerve reviving with excruciating pain, weight gain....and no sleep. Talk about bitchy. I was desperate.

I began with a trek to the doctors. I do not like going to the doctor. Not because I don't trust them, but because they cannot help me. I don't know if I am alien, but for some reason all doctor visits end up being a co-pay fail. I get medicine that I can only take for 3-5 days before my body spits it out right after it punishes me with near death experience pain & anguish. I go right back to square one.

I have tried:
valerian, melatonin, seratonin, and a wide variety of "sleepy teas" that put everyone else into a coma but me......
nerve testing & Neurontin (nerve pain medicine, originally used for epilepsy. Go figure. )
Ibuprofen horse pills
no exercise
no wheat & no dairy (this is my last experiment).

Still, no sleep. I actually wake up with pain in my feet, and the only way to get rid of it is to walk. So I wander around the house, and if it is lightish outside, I go walk my dog. Thank Goddess I have that big, burly dog! He loves it. My neighbors probably think I am like the mischugge lady down the street that just walks, and walks, and walks.......

I saw a new doctor a few days ago, a little Chinese man that I think I like. He totally got my "I can't take medicine, it makes me sick". He thinks I should eat wheat & dairy again (HALLEJULAH!!!) for at least 2 months so he can fully test my blood. I think I should listen to that part. Interesting enough, he says my symptoms could also be stress. Stress? Me? When he asked what "I did" for a living, and I told him I stay at home, work at home, & homeschool, he just nodded his head. On the right home, I contemplated how to get rid of my stress: house, bills, husband, kids, dog...only the chickens are Zen. All the things I love stress me at the same time. My lost concentration & focus....I miss them.

So I am happily eating bread & slurping kefir as I type. Tonight, I am going to start the "Devine Dreaming" meditation from Goddess Circle.... It's going on my iPod and to bed with me. I will report back, and maybe all the testing, prodding, deprivation, of the last few years were nothing but a stepping stone to the real issue...and the solution.

Nighty, night.
Much love,